further in ...
... and getting used to this idea of my mondo "paradigm shift" has been no easy task.
Each day I stifle the urge to panic and dive back into my comfort zone. For too many years, my default mode has been work work work, keep busy busy busy, no days off and no rest for the weary. Always be doing or making or plotting or strategizing or something, gots to be earning my keep ... sitting still is not an option. But it is now, or at least it's supposed to be.
As the calendar slides into December, my perception as to the enormity of it is easing a bit, adjusting to the idea that it's okay to step back, observe and savour. The first couple of weeks were a major challenge, my body was sending me loud messages ... revolt, danger danger, you must be crazy, slowing down and reining is in not an option ... visceral messages that were impossible to ignore. All I can say is, thank goodness for Louise Hay and her teachings to help me understand my body's messages. Thankfully, after a month of discomfort and being "ill at ease", my body is beginning to relax, freak out mode has receded.
But that doesn't mean I've got it all figured out. On Wednesday, as I worked on updating the website, taking pics, tweaking my home page and adding my lovely new votives, I was right back in the middle of a manic burst. I had myself worked up into a right froth, feeling like my eyes were going to bug out and further etching creases into my brow. It seems that old habits really are hard to break.
Yesterday, I made a concerted effort to stop ... taking time to listen for the almost silent nudges of my intuition which had been nearly beaten into submission. There was still the back and forth discussion between my manic, workaholic self ... "watch this knock 'em dead and gain a zillion followers webinar, you really should look for a mentor, read this amazing how-to video that will change your life" ... and my newly awakening, wholistic, calmer self. Well, sort of ... it IS a process.
I just have to keep coming back to the awareness that I'm in this for the long haul. I'm not looking for instant, "get 'er done" results. My reach will expand organically, new connections will come, sales will be made and lasting relationships will evolve.
Nothing that is made to last can be built in an instant ... keep taking deep breaths, keep moving and enjoy the unfolding ... probably need to staple this to my forehead.
with deep gratitude - kvk